| You can have a fall and winter of your own | C F G | |
| Staying warm inside your Victorian home | C F G | |
| But when the city's so hot | F C | |
| The winos burst into flames | F C G | |
| When the Jesus freaks | F C | |
| Collapse with the weight of their claims | F C G |
| Marry young, Diana | Dm F C G | |
| I don't want to see you old and alone | Dm F C G | |
| It's no fun, Diana | Dm F C G | |
| I don't want to see you rot in the home for aging spinsters | Dm F C G |
| You should find someone as loyal as a dog | C F G | |
| Who will still love you when you look like a frog | C F G | |
| Someone to rock your chair and bring you pink lemonade | C F G | |
| Someone to peel you a grape at 100 degrees in the shade | C F G |
| Marry young, Diana | Dm F C G | |
| I don't want to see you old and alone | Dm F C G | |
| It's no fun, Diana | Dm F C G | |
| I don't want to see you rot in the home for aging spinsters | Dm F C G |